School frustrations

I haven't written much about our frustrations in trying to find a kindergarten for Ella, mostly out of some strange superstition on my part that if I write about what I want to happen, it won't come true.  The process of finding a school has, though, been a major undertaking for us this fall and winter.  We love our house and our neighborhood and our location near downtown Durham, but we have one major stumbling block which is that the assigned 'neighborhood' school to our home is both terrible and far away (I refuse to call an elementary school that is nearly 5 miles away a neighborhood school).

Reducing months of  research and thought and visits and writing applications into a few words, we looked at a lot of alternative school options and ultimately decided to apply to a mix of private, charter, and magnet schools in the area.  We are currently in the few week window of finding out whether we were accepted/selected/chosen by the deities at the five schools we applied to, and so far, our luck has been rotten.  One wait list (at a school we thought would be a sure thing) and one lottery in which we weren't picked.  We have two more lotteries next week and a month-long wait to hear about a transfer application. And from everything I hear, people accept and then give up spots at all of these schools for a whole host of reasons throughout the summer, so this waiting game could go on for quite awhile for us as we remain on wait lists and hope for the best.  The end is not yet in sight.  

The rejections and especially the waiting process have been really upsetting to me.  Today was probably one of the worst days I've had in a long time, at least after I got the mail which had a rejection from the lottery for the magnet school a half mile from our house (actually 0.56 miles from our house, which is especially unfortunate since living within 0.5 miles of this school gives guaranteed admission).  I haven't felt so low in a long time.

It got me thinking about a section in The Happiness Project which says (in relation to marriage at least) that it takes at least five positive (marital) actions to offset one critical or destructive action.  As I thought about how my mood dropped after I opened that piece of mail - how my focus at work plummeted, how my patience with my kids dropped to an all-time low, how my will power in resisting the call of chocolate completely disappeared - I realized that my emotions about this one piece of bad news overshadowed a lot of good things that happened today.  I finished my first proposal for a project in my new job.  I had a professional manuscript accepted by a journal with a high impact factor.  I tried a new and challenging running course.  I got so many kind and supportive texts and emails and calls from friends about our crummy lottery results.

So why am I letting all of these good things be overshadowed by this one stupid letter?  It's time to put down the chocolate - really, I just made myself put down half of a Zingerman's Dulce de Leche brownie that I found in the back of my freezer - and to be thankful for the good things and to remember to take the long view about the bad ones.  We will find a kindergarten for Ella.  It might take some crazy antics on our part in terms of moving, renting second residences, or making personal appeals to school administrators.  Or it might just take a stroke of good luck that comes long after I am ready for it to arrive.  Or it might be a mess for a year and it'll get sorted out by first grade.  But I'm going to fight that 5:1 ratio for keeping positive and negative in harmony in my life because it just makes me mad that the negative should get to be so powerful.  I know I can make that ratio smaller.  I know I can.

Saturday tradition

One of our favorite Saturday morning traditions is to walk to our local Farmer's Market. It's a nice way to get some exercise, spend time together as a family, and, we are increasingly finding, a great opportunity to catch up with friends and eat tasty local food. We don't always stock up on fresh produce but we are firmly committed to checking out the food truck offerings and chatting with the many friends we run into every week. We've watched small businesses grow from tiny stands to brick and mortar stores (yay for DaisyCakes, Only Burger, Scratch, and soon, Monuts!), and we let our kids indulge in treats we can feel good about (chocolate croissants fresh from the Loaf ovens are Ella's current favorite). We often get to meet new babies of acquaintances who stroll their new little ones downtown on early outings. I love when I get to see the families of girlfriends who I usually only see for Mom's only evening outings or book club. We commiserate with friends on local issues (good elementary school options being the current hot topic) and get ideas for fun happenings around town for the rest of the weekend. It's one of my favorite times of the week and a regular reminder of why living in this town and really putting down deep roots is so meaningful to me. Now to just buy more greens, and it'll feel just about perfect.